Say that a child from a previous marriage – a hindrance to new acquaintances… I Say that with a baby it is very difficult to meet a man who can love you and get married… And they say that water-borne women should not look a man and a dad to the kid…
What is true and what is not, and why many men are still hesitant to create a family with a woman with a child – to understand together on the website “ToKnow365.top“.
How men relate to women with children: myths and realities
To be alone with the baby – still very stressful situation for women. And in our modern society it is believed that the mother child and covers almost all possibilities take place in his personal life that men categorically reject women with children.
However, there are many examples of happy couples where the woman has a child from a previous marriage.
What other myths on the relations of man to woman with the child persistently cultivates public opinion?
“A normal guy would never want to raise someone else’s child!”
It is a myth that is usually imposed on men by men. Echoes of this myth I hear and women and come up with our women’s horror stories: that for water-borne “the divorcee” and no one will look, etc.
Truth in this myth is — if you ask any man: “would you Like to raise someone else’s child as a mother?”, the most honest answer is “No!”. But a rare woman wants to raise someone else’s offspring, isn’t it?
Purely biologically, this is the right position – the individual should as much as possible to pass on their genes through their own offspring, while not to contribute to the preservation and enhancement of foreign genes. In the animal world some species of mammals, there are cases when the male may even kill and eat young females who gave birth from another male.
In the human world is an ancient behavior is not effaced completely – hardly a man with sincere enthusiasm will accept a stranger’s child itself.
But there is one “but”. Men fall in love! And if a man really likes a woman, he can accept her with her child, her mother, a hysterical grandfather is schizophrenic, ten years are not repaired “khruschovka” and three indoor dogs!
And in this case there is an explanation from the point of view of biology: it is some time after the birth of the cub, the female is physiologically quite ready to have another baby, and the male cares for her, having all chances to become a father!
“A normal man would never abandon a woman with her kid”
Of course, a myth created by women. And, of course, in their own interests the women try to push this myth in the male head.
How things actually, we have already discussed above. Every man has a right to dislike and not take someone else’s child, and especially every man has the right to break the relationship that he was not satisfied, or even not to start them (even the baby). Alas!
“If a man loves me, he should love my child”
The brackets of this phrase often also imposed a “must educate my child and help him, including financial”.
This is not so. The only man that something needs child is his own father. All other men that have a relationship with a divorced woman with a child, there is only one obligation to the baby – not to hurt him.
Of course, the wish “to love my child” can be understood, it is natural from the point of view of the mother, but, nevertheless, this is just a wish, not a duty of every knight. Yes, occasionally it happens that after some time the man starts to take kindly to someone else’s baby and is willing to take part in his upbringing, but this does not always happen, and we must be prepared for adverse scenario.
If this wish for you fundamentally, then, alas — get ready for a much more long and complicated the selection of candidates for your hand and heart.
“You must not look a man and a dad to your child”
Another flourishing lush color female myth. Moreover, the myth is absolutely illogical and doesn’t produce good results!
Why? Because the father of the child is bound to be only his own father. Because if a man will understand that he needs a woman not by itself as love, and as the “father-child”, then he’ll run away, dropping the sneaker.
In the end, how can you assume that someone will be a good stepdad if he doesn’t particularly like as a man?
“If a man adopted your child – so it’s obviously your fate!”
Simply put – if a woman with a child at least agreed someone, we must cling to someone like a louse for housing, because of the second unique person, and certainly never will not be! This is an outdated myth created in a time when families were created for life, divorce is not welcomed, the children were born over and over, and the wedding was only “planned” — that is, by calculation.
A woman with children and without a husband was often a widow. If not a widow, and still “the divorcee” — it was a shame. In both cases, someone’s courtship to a woman was considered almost a miracle, and of course, in a complex of medieval life to abandon any peasant on the farm was just unreasonable!
Now it is not so – the woman, even if she has become a mother, it is a time and opportunity to choose from many gentlemen that will really like.
“To seek a second husband, until a young – after 30-35 the chance of getting married, having a baby, very small”
What do they say “adepts” of this myth? Saying that outer beauty, and most importantly, the ability of young women to give birth to more children, should outweigh in the eyes of men a problem in view of the already existing first child. But really, in this situation, there are a few “gotchas.”
First, young girls are interested in guys of similar age. But in 20-25 years, few are willing to replace the father someone else’s baby! There are many obvious reasons, ranging from financial. Quite another matter – the category of men aged 35-40 years, which are much quieter to water-borne women “…dtsat”.
Mean age men become much more loyal to the children, many already do have offspring from previous marriages. And probably not surprising that the age, with whom they want to have a new relationship, most also have children.
Another point – if the girl is young, it is logical that child is also quite small – he requires constant care, the young mother is unlikely to be time and energy to go on the long goodbye, there is a risk that it will permanently take the child (that does not contribute to romance), etc.
But almost all of these problems become irrelevant when the child no longer requires constant attention. Many women “promaxis” youth alone with the baby, then successfully got married – had a child to grow up!
How to communicate with a man, if you have a child?
The website sympaty.net ready to answer the most frequent questions women who have a child and dream of a harmonious relationship with a man.
“How to tell the man that I have children?”
Not all at once. Of course, lie in response to direct questions and pretend to be childless for months is not necessary, but if the subject of motherhood and children are not there – then it is better not to raise at least the first three dates.
Then you can mention the child, and better – inadvertently, if it is necessary to the word. For example: “Yes, I can to see you today, but first will take a child out of school and then I’m free and will gladly take a walk!”.
“To acquaint a man with a child?”
It is justified only when your relationship is already quite serious, and it goes to cohabitation or wedding. Prior to this does not need to arrange getting the child of your knight!
Even if a man lyubopytnye, says he likes kids, etc – yet nothing serious between you, the meaning of this acquaintance there. And many men, knowing the common female “thingy” — “I want him to love my child!”, specifically pretend that you are interested in your kid – hoping to gain your favor.
“What if I can’t spend a lot of time on dates?”
Actually, you can do it from the very beginning to insinuate that you’re a busy man, and that it is necessary to specify in advance the time with you and the approximate duration of your meetings. But… it is only relevant at first, until you’re strangers.
Then the man will inevitably realize that you’re forced to spend time with the child.
And here a very important point – if the guy to the point in time falling in love, he will forgive any of your employment, including caused by the needs of the baby.
But don’t abuse of male trust – that the man left, he must feel that also important to you, what you are ready to change your plans and make time. Few men would agree to be a long time for you only “toy” in the free childhood trouble time! If the relationship is important to you, then think about how to free up time for men!
“If I sometimes take the baby on dates – is that bad?”
Yes, this is very bad. A man wants to see you, and not with the child, and has the right to not want visitors in the presence “the third superfluous”.
Bear in mind that every meeting that you take in for men are not a joy, but an inevitable necessity (that is, if he loves you, and if he is not in love, then the child will be perceived at all clearly – “damn, what a bummer!!!”).
“How to talk to a man about the baby?”.
Better – no way. If he speaks on this subject, then of course you can keep the conversation going, but to raise a “Mama” issues is not necessary.
First, childless men not understand, and secondly, any talk about the child and his problems would be perceived by a guy as a hint – “You should take part in solving children’s problems if I talk about them!”.
What to do gallant gentleman – polite take on the burden of helping someone else’s child or to portray a cold-blooded misunderstanding, at the risk of appear ignoble boor in the eyes of the interesting girls?.. Can once or twice to say that you like to be a mother, but often a lot to tell about his Chad in glowing terms is not necessary – because the man will feel that he will never be for you the most important and beloved person that his “Spud” only for the unenviable role of “new dad.”
Under what conditions can a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman with a child?
This is possible only when a man feels that you love him and are willing to accept in my life – and not as a “father-child”, “the breadwinner for the family” or “so that at least someone had it, and so divorcée alone will stay”!
After all, men also want to be loved not for something, and sincerely, just because it is what it is! What they admire is really important that expense, the woman does not solve any problems!
It is also important that the man you loved – otherwise he has no motives and “debt,” for which he would need a woman with a child.
And most importantly – don’t try to “embed” a man in a family with a child. You and him are a couple, Yes. But with the child it is not family – except that the man himself was willing to take care of him and become a stepfather!
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
How to communicate with a man, if you have a child?