Words of praise and criticism, spoken to adults, play an important role in shaping the child’s personality. Many parents convince themselves that abusing a child, they want only the best for him: he’ll notice your mistakes and don’t allow them. But the result is quite the opposite.
Constantly getting criticisms, the child ceases to respond to criticism of the adults, he lost interest to do something, because he still makes wrong.
It turns out that to criticize a child can not? No. It is possible and necessary. But it should be done correctly.
How to constructively criticize a child?
Situation No. 1
“I’m afraid to make observations of the child, as it can hurt your child.”
To criticize the child’s choice. It is the opinion of psychologists. It is proven that children whose parents are not criticized in the future is very sensitive to criticism from others. They are not ready to accept and hear tips on how to make it better, even the most innocuous comments can lead to despair.
They are not used to the fact that they can’t do something.
The situation №2
The situation is the opposite of the previous one: “I frequently criticize the child, so he knew how to do it correctly. Point out all the slightest error in conduct, in work, that he would not make again and thinking before to do something”.
It would seem, what in it bad? But if a child is constantly criticized, he becomes uncertain, it is very important that I will say about him, his self-esteem suffers.
It would be hard to make decisions, he will always be waiting for approval or instructions from others. This child is hard to do the job yourself. He will always be waiting for evaluation from adults, afraid to make a mistake at work.
Such criticism brings no benefit and harm in the formation of a child, making him dependent on the opinions of others people.
Criticized to be or not to be?
Criticism, by far, to be. Let us consider when and how to criticize the child, so that our comments were not only heard, but also accepted the child.
Praise and criticism
Parents often criticize children is wrong, oblivious to the fact that a number of remarks have to be praise. A kind word will help offset criticism, soften it and not hurt the child.
The rules for constructing sentences that contain criticism might be this: “praise the transition to comments” or “comment to praise”.
- The child spilled the soup. “Take a rag and wipe the table, please. Well done, you helped me!” instead of: “caught Napping, as you could spill the soup!”
- The child is not washed the floor. “Daughter, you’re not really properly cleaned the floor in the corners. See how to do it right” instead of: “so Who washes? Slob! Look, how much dirt is in the corners!”
Build your sentences in a way that you simultaneously praised and criticized the act of the child. It will help him make their own conclusions about what he did wrong.
Try not to use the particle “but”. It negates the praise, and the child begins to doubt the sincerity of your words.
- “Tanya, you have great grades in math. I’ve seen you work a lot on tasks. Now, if you and taught literature, then I’m sure you would be too high a rating!”
Criticism came, but it was so soft that forced Tanya to think about how to work to improve their achievements in literature. If a child is criticized correctly, the desire to improve yourself.
The act, not the person
Parents criticize children, sometimes forgetting about the main thing – begin to judge the child, not the act.
- The child broke the Cup. Instead of: “you Have a hand curves”, it is better to point out the reason why it happened: “You were spinning and that dropped the Cup.”
- The child does not fit the pattern. Instead of: “can’t You see that the cabin roof curve?”, help to do better: “Come, I will show you how to do it right.”
Parents often object and say that the child becomes accustomed to using them and then not want to do anything on their own. To avoid this, ask the baby to repeat the action, and fix the result of encouragement by the phrase:
“As you well now get!” or “this time you did it much better, and next time you’ll be fine without my help!”, “I knew that you I can!”
So, the criticism should be directed at the actions of the child, not on his personality.
Emotions in a fist
How family can play a storm out of nowhere? Consider the standard situation where during the scandal of the child being criticized a lot by parents.
— Masha, put the coffee down. You will drop and break.
— Will not break. I need a big Cup for my big dolls my daughter.
During the game the Cup falls to the floor and breaks.
— Here! What did I tell you? You’re such a klutz! – screaming mother.
— Yes well I said 100 times that she armless! – connected father.
— And he is not armless? Recently broke my mother’s plate! – retorted the offended daughter.
What do you say to dad? Boorish!
— The nerve! You, too, so with grandma talk!
Let’s see how many times in his address heard criticism of the child?
And could it be otherwise? Of course. Mom could just take your Cup and give something else in return. Or to offer her daughter to clean up the broken glass, tossing the phrase: “didn’t think a Cup is how many shards!” Mary herself will come to the conclusion that kitchenware is not for children to play.
Very often parents criticize the child and behave inappropriately towards him, falling down because of their failures. We are not constrained, and their negativity spills out on child – spread criticisms, hurting and humiliating your child.
- “Again for the two? What you’re incompetent at me!”
- “You couldn’t have told him to give delivery! You the same mattress as your daddy!”
- “Now, Oli five of control, and you have again three ways. Are you completely stupid?”
Then cool down and promise that it won’t happen again, but the baby in my head already deposited all of what you say in anger.
Such criticism of parents with emotional explosion are particularly painful for the baby. Parents are people for whom it is the native often criticize the child and scold him on every occasion.
So as not to break, sympaty.net recommends that you use these techniques:
- “Count to 10”. As psychologists say, a ten-second pause, enough to pull myself together. Count mentally to 10, the emotional rush subside a bit.
- “Think about it tomorrow.” The famous phrase of Scarlett from the movie gone with the wind also helps to not take out your emotions on the child. Stop myself, promising to think about it a little later.
If the child constantly to criticize in anger, he all of your comments will come to associate that with a bad mood and will not adequately respond to relevant criticism.
Criticism should be relevant. It is important to distinguish when to comment and when not to. Let’s start with the fact that children and adults have different “correct”.
Before parents to criticize the child, you need to think about how this would be appropriate in this situation?
For example, my daughter proudly tells you that she first washed the dishes without your help. You can see that it is poorly rinsed dishes, and they left traces of detergent. You need to make a comment?
Necessary, but not now. First, we praise the act of the child. And then in the case say that it is the last time well I washed the dishes, but some plates did you notice residue. “Look, as it was necessary to rinse the dishes.”
Thus, you praised the child, and identified the lack of – your criticism was soft and appropriate. Criticism should be constructive.
You have to learn how to build criticisms in such a way that the child heard you shouldn’t have done, but not moved all on their personality. Most often, the child receives the greatest portion of destructive criticism at school age.
Child does homework. Had something not gone. You can easily enter into a stupor in one sentence: “what is there to think? Well it’s so easy!”
How translates this child? “If it’s easy, then something’s wrong.”
What happens next? You have prepared the soil to start sowing. It now remains to fertilize new portions of criticism, and comparisons with the best classmates.
- “It’s such a simple task, why can’t you understand?”
- “Do you not understand how to do it? Are you the dumbest in the class?”
- “Nick was able to, and you’re not?”
It’s easy for you, and the child can be difficult. You will soon receive tentative, scattered child is not able to adequately assess their capabilities.
How best to proceed? If you want to say it is easy, it is better to say the opposite:
“It’s not easy but you will cope!”
Thus, to teach a child to do something right, try to find soft forms of criticism. Pick the phrase that will not hurt feelings of the child, condemn only the act and not the person.
The author – Julia Spiridonova, site ToKnow365.top
How to criticize a child’s right?