How to get rid of codependency?

About what is addiction and codependency, what are the main roles take relatives of those who suffer from a drug addiction or alcoholism, we have been told. From codependent family members depends on how to build his life a drug addict or alcoholic, at what stage in disease development they seek help, and if I can overcome my addiction?

If all close to the environment dependent will adhere to a unified position and cease to have compassion and to care for the patient, the treatment will be much more efficient.

Treatment depends on those who are near?

The opinion of professionals who work with addicted people, single – codependent difficult to treat than drug addicts or alcoholics. Because the dependent know what to expect at different stages of development of their illness, and co-dependent relatives and friends are often unpredictable.

The most important moment of the treatment, they feel sorry for the native person, which is so hard, and they’re doing a disservice to pick a drunk on the street, buy him booze, or bring a rescue dose. Thus, they cause only harm and help the disease, not the native man.

So today, along with anonymous rooms for drug addicts and alcoholics to work effectively anonymous clinics for co-dependents. Special programmes (for example, “Overcoming codependency: 12 steps”), where specialists work with codependent and teach how to behave to family members where there is dependent on drugs or alcohol to the native people.

I’d like to hope and believe that the recommendations on the website “” will help codependent people to open their eyes and not make the mistakes that don’t treat alcohol or narcotic addiction, but rather exacerbate the disease.

Our goal is to encourage affected people to understand and accept his problem, to take the first step and seek help from professionals who know how to get rid of codependency.

The choice of the right way

Treatment of codependency, which boils down to choosing the right uncompromising way, should be conducted in parallel with the treatment of addiction or even before the treatment began dependent. After all, how successful will act codependent, so successful treatment of the dependent person.

There are two ways:

  • You can leave it as it is, all my life to play the role of victim, persecutor or rescuer – it’s the first option.
  • But you can choose a more difficult way to cure codependency and thereby save the patient’s alcoholism or drug addiction of a person. Of course, this option is more difficult.

First thing you need to realize that the treatment codependent requires patience, perseverance and steadfastness. It is important to adhere strictly to the recommendations given by the expert even if they seem absurd or impossible.

Change your attitude to dependent

Do not create conditions for the development of the disease!

Remember, in a state of dependence on alcohol, drugs, gambling people live with the disease. And affected their sverhsrochnoy and seropeco create the conditions for disease development, but can not save her son or husband is a major mistake.

Therefore, says S. N. Zaitsev in his textbook “Codependency – the ability to love”, the formula for success in treating addiction and codependency consists of two components:

  • You cannot create conditions for the development of the disease (how often do codependent);
  • To counteract the disease more effectively.
  • Let us examine in more detail what you mean specialists under the phrase “not to create conditions for the development of the disease.”

    • Asleep drunk on the stairs – the wife screams, but pulls him home, so the neighbors did not see;
    • After a binge can’t Wake up in the morning to call you at work and call in sick with the flu or something I ate;
    • Morning hangover “save”;
    • Tore my pants when he was lying drunk – tidy and neat send to work, do all the washing and courted it;
    • Clean after it all the consequences of get-togethers with colleagues;
    • Pay its debts;
    • I got to the police – redeem and save.

    Co-dependents make the same mistakes, repeating them day in and day out, year after year. They cover a dependent, believing that their care to save him. And all because of the fact that the codependent has low self-esteem, it is important for them, what can you say about surrounding them.

    They are ashamed that their loved one will embarrass yourself in front of other people. What people think about him? What people think about their family? How will the children feel?

    But excuse me, I should not be family members, and whoever does – dependent person.

    Codependent does not give the right to make dependent errors, and see for themselves that if they can not cope with their addiction – don’t stop drinking, using drugs, lose the slots.

    Dependent is not trying to fight his illness because he never really scary: his family members smooth all sharp corners, not letting him feel the danger of his illness — so say all the psychotherapists who work with addicted.

    Always surrounded by dependent are those who are ready to “help” – buy him alcohol, borrow money, pay debts. It is therefore important to take an uncompromising stance to all members of the families of dependent people: and wife, parents, sisters, and brothers, and friends. It is important to create such conditions where the patient is alone will stay with your problem and I will be forced to ask for help and agree to treatment by a specialist.

    Sounds easy: do not create the conditions for it to drink (used drugs), but to make it happen is very difficult, you need to work with the subconscious codependent, so the treatment of codependency – the work of psychotherapists.

    The effective resistance of the disease: take an uncompromising stance

    Known psychotherapist Moskalenko V. N., remembering one of his tricks, told a typical situation that happens in almost every family where there are dependent and codependent.

    — I say all the time that if once drunk, I’ll divorce him. And he just laughs, says wife.
    — So she did it for 5 years says. How can I not laugh? – responsible husband.

    To effectively address the means to implement all recommendations received from the specialist. At first glance, the tips may seem inhumane not humane. But don’t forget we are treating a disease, and our action is a medicine that can be bitter.

    That’s about how to act codependent, starting the treatment of a close person:

    • We sit together and choose a doctor who has go through the treatment.
    • If you don’t ask for help, I stop you to cook dinners.
    • If you do not react for another 5 days, I cease to fulfill all your requests. I’m going to talk only about treatment.
    • And so on incrementally, up to rupture of relations and deprivation of communication with children.

    Especially hard to take an uncompromising stance to the parents of the patient. Indeed, through the advice of a doctor, the impression that you refuse to help the native blood – leave him alone.

    But remember, you are dealing with the disease, with which it is impossible to negotiate. As long as you create the conditions for its progression, the son will continue to drink, to play, to shoot up.

    Read a special literature, which we recommended in a previous article on the website and prioritize in my life.

    A sick man cannot last long without the help of a neighbor. Create such conditions in which it will be hard.

    As the practice of psychotherapists, a month, two, year dependent seeks help and is ready to be treated, if codependent choose correct tactics of behavior.

    Overcoming codependency

    Want to send a person to hell – complete all his desires.

    Remember, until you get rid of codependency, effective treatment of the dependent cannot be in principle. Indeed, in most cases, the family members create all conditions for development or recurrence of the disease.

    What means “to get rid of codependency”?

  • To understand that personality of a person suffering from any form of addiction, forked. There is man and there is his illness, from which he must recover. The man who got rid of co-dependence, will not communicate with the sick person and try to negotiate with him.
    The husband got out of a long binge, he came to his wife with flowers and gifts for the children. She melted and forgiven, but after a while it again went on a binge. Why? He was not treated, and his wife tried to negotiate with the disease, heard and believed what you wanted to believe.
  • It is important to be aware of when you are dealing with a sick part of the personality, and when healthy. A healthy person agrees to accept help and treatment from a specialist, performing all of his recommendations, the patient will deny that he was an addict.
    If the husband got out of the binge, the wife should put him condition – praecessi, then we’ll talk.
  • To the dependent person should be treated not as a stupid creature that should be protected and to take care of, but as an adult, responsible for their actions. He’s wrong – he is responsible for his mistakes and pays for them himself.
  • The man who got rid of codependency, taking care of their health, pays attention to himself and the other members of the family, not the one who is sick addiction and does not want to accept help, to be treated.
  • The man who overcame co-dependency, realizes that all he can do for an addict, he’s already making offers to treatment.
  • Codependent people subconsciously adapt your lifestyle to the life of the dependent, thus creating the conditions for further development of the disease, and not helping him get rid of the addiction. You need to act tough, to be treated by a specialist and not to make problems “family secret.”

    Author – Julia Spiridonova, site

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