With the concept of death every child will face sooner or later. Of course, to talk about such sad things baby does not want to, but it should be done, because somehow he knows about it.
How to talk to children about the death honestly and objectively, but it does not instill excessive fear and prevent psychological trauma? Read about it on the website sympaty.net.
How children perceive the concept of “death”?
In 99% of cases, parents, even the most responsible, I’m late to tell a child about death. The modern child is surrounded by too many sources of information – even the very young can see, how to “kill” characters in video games, cartoons, etc.
But if it is present in the room while watching TV, parents are…
In addition, our everyday conversations are filled with expressions associated with death, and the child they have heard (from you): “How did you know, nearly killed!”, “Just tired is deadly…”, “over my dead body!”, “I won’t survive…”, etc.
So be prepared that when you tell a child about death, amazing news it will not be.
But there are surprising from the perspective of adults the fact that young children (usually years 4-5) do not perceive death is tragic. For example, the three-year can from a research curiosity to strangle the hamster home with a smile and look at his body (already quite aware that the animal didn’t just fall asleep and not moving, and it died).
But the six-year-old because izdohshih hamster will cry three days in a row, and this event can be a real psychological trauma childhood!
A real case who was a witness: a four year old girl saw that the home bird lies at the bottom of the cage paws up. Present adults, so as not to upset the baby, started saying that the parrot is sleeping. The girl looked at the adults as idiots and coolly said, “Hm, so he’s dead!”.
It is reflected in the games. Running around with a toy gun at the ready and shouting “tra-TA-TA-TA-TA!!!” on every Bush, or arranging “mountains of corpses of enemies” in a computer game, a child does not dream of a real bloody massacre! He thinks about death and murder at such moments, no more than we adults, when we remove the “dead” pawn from the chessboard. Death here is nothing more than a conventional symbol of victory or defeat.
Why? Children are cruel? No! Just a tragic view of death taken in human culture, the children inspire the adults.
For a small child any death (game, cartoon, movie, death of a pet or even someone close to you) – it’s almost fun. Just the transition from one state to another, from activity to stillness – something like a dream… the baby is unlikely to grieve the death of his beloved grandmother – it’s just hard to realize that it is an eternal separation from family man, “sleeping” grandma in the coffin is just a dead body, etc.
While children are quite capable of compassion, sympathy for suffering, etc. for Example, if grandma is sick, small child exactly get a feel for its condition. But her death he may see so that now she feels no pain, it is now well – come they not hence, from this natural child’s perception, is accepted in many religions the idea of death as a liberation from earthly suffering?..
How to tell a child about death – what is it?
How to tell a child about death?
Of course, leave it forever in the “pink glasses” you can’t – the child needs to understand why people think death is a very sad event because of its irreversibility. Misunderstanding this fact and cavalier attitude to death has a reverse side – do not value life (their own and others), he is ready for some easy interest to risk themselves and take the lives of others (for example, torturing an animal or insect, etc.). But also specifically to exaggerate is not worth it – especially if you think how to talk to children about the death of a loved.
It is correct to tell a child about death like this:
“All living beings do not live forever. We’ve noticed last year’s dried flowers – they are no longer alive, but they left the seeds from which grew this year with new and beautiful flowers! Insects and animals also disappear: when they grow up, they have kids, then grandchildren, and when the animal gets old, he gets weaker and then it dies. It’s like a deep-deep sleep – dead creature feels nothing, he doesn’t get hurt, it’s not moving, his eyes closed.
Unfortunately, the dead can’t revive, so they are buried, put in a special box – the coffin, which is buried in the ground. Gradually dead creatures also turn into the earth, completely disappear — but as it happens, no one should see. In this place then you can grow a big tree or a very beautiful flower! But before that, all living creatures live their lives.
Someone lives one day – for example the fly, but it’s small, and it is the day is long, as we a hundred years! A cat lives 15 years is a lot. People do live for a very long time – almost a hundred years, and sometimes more! But people, unfortunately, die… Sometimes it happens that people die from serious illnesses that it did not happen, everyone should take care of their health, eat healthy food, always wash your hands to protect yourself from germs, not to walk in light clothing in the cold, etc.
Sometimes people kill other people is very very bad to do so, someone died! Killers nobody likes them severely punished and put in jail! When a person dies, his family and friends always try to remember all the good that he did, what he was in life.”
If your family is religious, and you would like to tell a child about death, as is customary in your religion, you can say, for example, so: “my dad is Orthodox. We believe that the deceased person does not disappear completely, his body buried, but there are still invisible very, very easy soul – she climbs high into the sky, to God, and if the person was good in life and not commit very bad deeds, then God sends the soul in a very good place in Paradise.”
But even if you really believe in this or the other religious understanding of death, tell it to the child as an absolute truth is not necessary! Just tell me that no one knows for sure what happens to the dead, it shows only his body, but in the wise books have been written about the soul – these books the child can read when you’re older, then he will have the right to decide whether to believe it or not.
Do not frighten the child of hell and torment after death in the case of poor behaviour to a child’s psyche it can be severe stress, the child may develop a guilt complex for children’s misconduct, which it is difficult to avoid, and to develop the fear of death!
But the idea of heaven should not play the role of “candy” for good behavior – better if the child wants to be a good person, and not for the reward!
How to tell children about the death of a loved one?
How to tell a child about the death of grandmother or another loved one?
Try to calm down (although, of course, is very difficult). The tone of your voice should not be panicky or hysterical, because the child need support in this situation. The child must trust the speaker, should feel that this man, despite the grief and sorrow, in control and fully understands what happened and to do what is right.
If the late/yy before his death, was sick, and the kid knew about it, it is better to tell a child about the death of a grandparent – “You know our grandmother was very ill, she was sick… she died Today. We all of course very sad and hard, but she’s not hurt, she feels nothing. Your grandmother was a very good person, everyone loved her, but we will try never to forget and remember all the good.”
To tell a child about death is tragic, sudden – a very difficult test… How to tell a child about the death of his father or mother
“I need to talk to you. Sometimes in life there are bad things, but they need to survive… it so Happened that now your dad is no more… He died. (Can you tell why was in a car accident, suddenly became very ill heart etc. But if the death is painful, it is to clarify for a child not worth it). Yes, I know you are now very bad and hard, you can cry. I’m with you, and our entire family with you, we love you and will never leave! We are also very saddened, so we need to stick together and always help each other – we are family.”
A young child to talk about death is necessary, but to show the body of the deceased is not necessary, especially not to take a baby to a funeral. Very little pipsqueak still do not understand what is happening and worries about it can be a problem at the funeral and the funeral, when all the adults steeped in heavy emotions and needs in parallel to solve organizational problems. The older child (teenager) it is better to ask how he would like himself to see the deceased one last time or to avoid involvement in tragic events?
Sometimes people in their childhood or adolescence were forbidden to say goodbye to the deceased family, growing up, much regretted…
To tell a child about the death of a loved better honestly. No need to invent fantastic stories about the sudden disappearance of a person. Moreover, it is categorically impossible to say that his favorite people, “left”, “left to travel very, very long time, don’t know when I’ll be back”, etc – the child will be considered late traitor who abandoned your family!
Even a small child is better to know the sad truth than deep down for a long time to hope that this man will appear again, coming back.
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
How to tell a child about death?