Husband abuser: how to recognize and what to do?

Women’s website “” I’ll tell you who abuser, how to recognize it and why such relationships are doomed to failure.

Certainly, each of us have such a friend, who happens to be “fairytale love”, which turns into a full retreat with constant tears. Maybe you’re faced with this situation, I feel crushed by the personality, devoid of vitality, and feel that not living my life?

Scary story

You start the relationship with a good, caring, gentle man. Romantic, attention, daily armfuls of flowers (which, incidentally, is a bright marker that is confirmed by many women who have been “in abuse”). He cares about you when you are sick, sends SMS wishing good morning and good night, drive a short distance from cafes, where you and your friends a bachelorette party comes in and pays the entire bill goes to another city to buy any you last weekend dress.

And soon they find themselves married to abuterol, the woman removes the rose-colored glasses.

This is new for our country the word comes from the English word “abuse” meaning in translation “ill-treatment”, “to mock, to offend, to oppress“. It vividly describes the psychological, rather than physical violence. Although from one to the other, as practice shows, sometimes only a short step.

Abuser: first signs

Once, make-up, you will hear that this concealer is not suitable for your aging skin, and you look ridiculous. Next time you say your favorite TV series – for those who don’t is intelligence. Then announce that your friends are easy behavior, and to communicate with them can only be the same woman.

If you start to argue, he will represent the wronged innocence, and you’re forced itself to apologize for the quarrel.

Between these manifestations is a period during which a man again tender and gentle. In the end, you’re getting the suspicion that you’re guilty in every manifestation of abuse that is not worthy of such a beautiful person, that you can not differently.

Such thinking leads is the contrast between the “Prince charming”, whom you met, and the person in front of you now. “After all, he could not so strongly to change? So the whole reason in me.”

How else to recognize abuser

  • Total control: your calls, correspondence, time you return home, appointments, contacts. The constant questioning and the requirement of evidence, which over time need more and more.
  • Isolation, restriction of your freedom of communication, sometimes even with their own family. This is done in order to increase your dependence on him.
  • He never takes responsibility for his behavior. Always to blame in all other circumstances, stress, alcohol, the surrounding people or the victim of abuser.
  • Of course, excessive, baseless jealousy. You took on a new job without a trial period? And for what merits? What you had to do for the HR Manager?
  • Vulnerability, changeable mood and resentment – these are elements of manipulation to you all the time wanted to prove to him their loyalty and love.
  • Constant dissatisfaction with you and your appearance, focus on your weaknesses often fictional, in which you’ll start to believe.
  • Particularly sophisticated abusing – it does not give its victim to sleep, for example, to start at night to sort things out, physical and moral wearing down.
  • Prominent symptom that it’s time for you to reflect on the theme of “abuser how to remove”, believes low self-esteem as a result of his constant trick and humiliation. Moreover, it is often completely harmless or hidden subtexts, methodically destroying your belief in yourself.

    You’re starting a new project to share with the man his plans, and he is the support and faith says that nothing terrible will happen if you fail. You joined the gym? See not much worry from the view of fit Babes, I love you and be loved more than light. New haircut? Next time I’ll write you a different master.

    Another symptom relations with abuterol is a strong sense of guilt.

    Having achieved his, he can do with you whatever I want, because you’re so unsure of yourself that can’t even go over the threshold, you have no friends who can give advice, sometimes you even against their own family. Financial control leads to the fact that you have your own money.

    Depression, tears after each conversation, the inability to make their own decisions, feeling worthless and even physical abuse is characterized as abuse women.

    How long you can tolerate it, try to change it or want to go, depends on you. The main thing – that you’re aware of the problem.

    Abuser: how to resist?

    More personality, their own opinions, important decisions without regard for how he would react. Pay his attention to every rude word or action, say that it is unacceptable that you are not going to tolerate this. Show that you’ve changed.

    You need to start to snap, to pour out the negative, to show resistance, to identify the manipulation, not to be afraid.

    It is important to understand what type of reaction will cause your opposition. If the result is only intensified aggression, then in this case you should immediately take drastic measures and leave, not just threaten to break. If a man promised to fix, give him a second chance but not a third.

    How to get away from abuser and start living

    If you don’t want to end the relationship, it is possible to recommend psychological therapy. It is important, that it was not a family psychologist. These professionals tend to share responsibility for the situation in the family on both partners. Whereas in the situation of abuse blame only the one who does not know how to restrain anger and to build relations on a fair basis.

    Take a break in the relationship, put a condition that there be no contact while the man will not begin to receive psychological help and he will not show positive results from the therapy.

    Remember that very often are men like others, who are not aware of what is happening within the family, and saw only the start, “candy” period. It is possible that they will be admired by all your friends and even your mom, so don’t be surprised if your desire to get away from abuser will be received with great incomprehension. Nothing to prove, just think about yourself.

    It will be difficult, because you need to begin to live independently, support themselves, “go in peace,” to establish contacts, build a career, take care of the baby. We should think about this at the stage of the relationship. You may have to do it secretly, as abuser on the “running stage” is simply not going to allow you to conduct any independent activity. It is important for you to have not only private housing, but also the people with whom you would be secure in the case of prosecutions.

    Learn how to take care of myself, and most importantly – love yourself, and then you can build a new, equal and harmonious relationship.

    Author – Ekaterina Maximova, site

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