My child loves me not: what to do with it?

The birth of a baby, the first years of life. Smiling a little, which pulls to mommy little hands and weeping bitterly, being alone even for 10 minutes… While he is quite small, the mother is the day when it will seem that the child does not love her. I carried him, nursed, he’s part of me! My baby doesn’t love me?! However, this happens years later, the toddler turns into a teenager and his mother is perplexed: what is he doing to me?.. Describe the most frequent reason for the dislike of children to their parents will try female site

What kind of love do you want from your child?

I think most mothers to this simple question give a simple and correct answer: the child should experience a warm FILIAL feelings , and did not hesitate to show them that he did not want to intentionally offend and upset mother, that he valued harmony and peace in the family as parents…

But what the child hears?

Brought two: “You do not love me, therefore make no efforts to study!”. Broke the new shoes: “So you love me!? Why don’t you appreciate my work, they also cost half of my salary?!”. Doesn’t want to attend the school: “If you love me, get ready and March to school!”.

The kid concludes: loving mom means to conform to her ideas of the “perfect child”. And fit is not always obtained!

And the child finds himself in a very difficult psychological situation: he really loves his mother, but his love, as it seems, and I don’t take seriously. Accordingly, he begins to believe that the response of parental love will wait only when you become a student, I can stop screwing up clothing, will learn to play the hated violin, etc.

Independently, the child can not break this vicious circle.

Up to a certain age (typically 10-11 years), his relationship with his parents is so strong and important to him that he will be to achieve parental love and attention at any cost.

If the kid is not prone to rebellion, it will be the price of broken psyche to fulfill parent requirements, if only to show that “I’m good”. Some children become Moody, prone to tantrums using eccentric tricks they attract the attention of parents.

But there comes early adolescenceand the grown child makes a simple and logical conclusion – you don’t want to accept me as I am? Do not appreciate my manifestations of FILIAL love? I don’t know.

The result is a “difficult teenager” in the eyes parents said that to tolerate them and listen to not going, and indulges in all serious.

And the parents can’t recover from the shock: for what our child does not love us, we for it did everything?..

Does my child love me?

In the literature there are so many stories of selfless FILIAL love (starting with the biblical narrative about the father and the Son), that strange and even blasphemous I think the point of view of modern psychology: your child is not obliged to love you. Why?

Maternal love caused by nature – a woman carries and gives birth to a child, and what kind of man he grew up for his mother he will always be the most dear and favourite person in the world.

Up to a certain age that can say the same about the children – a small child loves his parents, whoever they were.

But beginning in adolescence, between the child and the parents started to increase the gap. It’s okay!

For a decade, from kid child becomes an independent person, an adult with their beliefs, worldview, system of values… of Course, parents understand that, but at the same time I want the gap was smaller, and the world – closer to their own…

Here this is the main mistake a parent.

Instead of taking his grown son or daughter as they are, that is, to reduce the gap from their side, parents begin quickly “remake” of a teenager. But straightforward (if not forced!) educational measures for adolescents rarely work! And the child resists them in order to become itself – a separate, independent adult personality, which is not necessarily the parent’s dreams!

And before you say, “my baby doesn’t love me!”, mother is a good think: but for that child to love her?

For the gift of life, for a happy childhood? Yes of course mention it, but… do not have love! It is irredeemable debt.

If the child will ask to pay handsomely for it, he will need a lifetime spent together with her mother and her mother’s – and unless you want that to happen? Because if, in fact, he must give up his own life, build his own family, the birth of their children – to pay the debt for my appearance into the world!

Loving mother because she loves her child? Yes, this is very important! But… a mother’s love is unconditional.

Love maturing child must be earned, not demand it from him! Because the way in early childhood, your child you love will never be – it is necessary to change this unconditional love on love-friendship, love, mutual understanding, love, respect, or accept that you are different people, and your baby doesn’t love you.

Dislikes – everything! Because to truly love the person with whom you have little in common, who doesn’t want to accept you for what you are, and constantly seeking to change you, to fix, to correct to fit your wishes, it is very difficult – even if it is my own mother!

But a real, genuine love is possible only then, when the mother understands and accepts her child, and he did!

If not, will not save any sense of FILIAL duty, no childhood memories…

Author – Dasha Blinova, site

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