Rules of assertive behavior: be confident

Did you make commitments that you don’t want to do, just because you are unable to say the word “No”? You afraid to refuse the interlocutor, because I didn’t want to hurt him, and eventually he begins to abuse your good attitude. But the ability to politely and clearly refuse is an important social skill which must have every self-respecting man. Female site will teach you the basic rules of assertive behavior: how to refuse an inappropriate request, and to insist on their point of view.

What is assertive behavior?

Under assertive behaviour we understand a positive and confident behavior of the person who demonstrates self-respect and is aware of own rights and goals, but takes into account the rights and goals of others.

Situations from everyday life, where you can find useful rules of assertive behavior, quite a lot.

The colleague tries to pass on to you their duties on the street stick importunate suitor, if not the salesman will pick you as their victim. Even your family should be able to refuse, at least in order not to let them down (if you don’t confident you can fulfill the request in time).

Properly to deny, to explain their rights and goals and find a compromise – here’s what you should aspire to if we respect ourselves and others. Note that assertive is not synonymous with rudeness. You need to be polite, but persistent.

The basic rules of assertive behaviour

Rules and techniques of assertive behavior formulated in his book “Training of confidence” the American psychologist Manuel J. Smith. Smith. More about the confidence here.

Female site offers you remember these simple rules assertive (confident) behaviorthat will be useful to you:

  • I have the right to directly, honestly and openly Express your feelings!
  • I have the right to judge own behavior, thoughts and emotions and answer for their consequences!
  • I have the right not to explain his behavior and apologize!
  • I have the right to change your mind!
  • I have the right to decide whether I am or to what extent the solution of the problems of other people!
  • I have the right to make mistakes and to take responsibility for their mistakes!
  • I have the right to make illogical decisions!
  • I have the right not to depend on the goodwill of others and their good relationship to me!
  • I have the right to say: “I’m not interested!”
  • I have the right to say: “I cannot understand you!”
  • To your partner clearly understand your position on the issue, communicate with them directly and calmly, like an adult with adults. Pointless to keep in mind the rules of assertive behaviour, if you do not have sufficient confidence in their correctness.

    How to behave during a conversation:

    • Listen carefully to the interlocutor (as you show respect for him)
    • Stand up straight and calmly
    • Don’t be afraid to look your partner in the eye
    • Say a firm but calm voice, do not go to higher tones
    • Demonstrate a willingness to cooperate: “what do you think about this?”
    • Demonstrate respect to your Self: “I would like…” “I believe” “I love you”.
    • Intelligible and clearly say what you want, and what is not.

    Additional equipment failure

    Some people begin to deftly manipulate the source to get what you want any way.

    They put pressure on the pity — “I need to Borrow money, I have nothing to live, all my salary is spent!”, trying to intimidate — “If you don’t help me now, next time I will not help you!” appeal to the conscience, “aren’t you ashamed that you don’t want to help me?”.

    Under such pressure it is very easy to give in and concede. And next time you will be even more difficult to defend their position. Not to mention the fact that your self esteem is bursting at the seams after each unwanted concessions.

    In addition to the rules of assertive (polite) behavior, use of our proposed additional equipment failure:

    • Show sincere sympathy. Problems can happen to everyone, but you are not obliged to solve them! But you can show compassion and wish the other party’s success. For example: “I am very sorry that you have such difficulties, but I hope you find a way out of this situation, because you are smart and enterprising people.”
    • Pause. If you are under pressure and you are experiencing difficulties with a quick and clear answer is “No!” — take a pause to weigh the pros and cons of his decision. For example: “I give you an answer by the end of the day, I need to think”, “I’ll call you back in a few minutes, now I can’t answer”
    • Be precise. Don’t place the source of the ability to “think out” your actions for you. Clearly communicate what you are willing to do and what not. For example: “I am ready to translate the text into English, provided that you will correct it yourself. I don’t have time.”
    • Before you proffer your apology. The interlocutor may think that excessive apologies are a sign of your weakness and even more pressure on you to give up. Apologize with a polite tone, but simply: “Sorry, I don’t want to buy this product, I don’t need!”
    • Beware of feelings of guilt. Telling the interviewer, “No”, and seeing his distressed look, you may want to do something else that will be able to comfort him. For example: “I’m Sorry, I can’t help you with the moving…. I can, however, cancel your day and help you to dismantle the book.” Showing persistent failure in one, in another, be consistent and not give in to feelings of guilt.

    Use these simple rules of assertive behavior in everyday life. You can always politely and intelligently defend their opinions without offending the interlocutor.

    Show kindness and give help if you really want it! But you are absolutely not obliged to help anyone against their will.

     Be strong and self-sufficient person! Be successful together with!

    Julius Caesar — specifically for the site –

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