The first burning feeling experienced in his life people — first teenage love…
More recently, my five-year old Masha had a crush on Yuri, and today, I quietly sat down beside me and said, “Mom, when Eugene looks at me, I’m ill at ease, and abdomen like butterflies”.
“What “butterflies” in 11 years??? Drove you away…” — I thought. But putting all things aside, sat down next to his daughter, “Well, does he like you?” — gently asked me. After all, once understood: “A mushroom that grew…”. My girl fell in love.
And this is not children’s bright love for Yuri from the garden, this is a real first teenage love. My girl shared with me the secret. “Not to frighten, not to frighten” — he told me.
How to deal with a teenage girl who fell in love, not to frighten your care, gently guiding and keeping under control? How to become a confidante lover, teenager?
Today women’s site “ToKnow365.top” we’ll talk about how parents behave and what to do when a teenager fell in love.
How to understand what a teenager in love?
For each child the love operates in different ways: some become pensive, and someone on the contrary, getting too wordy.
- My Mashka was quiet. Active, I would say, very active child that friendship with the girls prefer friendship with boys, Mary became quiet and calm.
- It is more carefully treated to their appearance: we wanted to wear skirts and sun dresses is close-fitting, and definitely needed not just a sports topic, and a real bra, preferably with foam. Well, you know that a prominent part of the female body has become more prominent – convex, that is.
- She began to read the books we bought her at age 9 about the relationship of boys and girls and about what it meant to be a girl.
- And when the drafts on the sidelines, I began to notice hand-drawn hearts, you guessed it – my teenage girl fell in love.
- As a result, “butterflies in the abdomen”, which my daughter said.
When fell in love with the eldest son, it was much easier. We were happy that he finally matured, he and the girls began to like it. But when my teenage daughter 11 years fell in love, my husband is a little scared. Then I remembered that I first fell in love in 6th grade, and I was also 11 years old.
Why Teens fall in love? Yes, it’s simple — because you get older. Sooner or later this feeling comes to everyone, and nothing depends on us. It remains only to accept.
I was looking for advice on how to help my daughter survive the first teenage love.
Mood swings and loss of interest in his hobby, distraction, zabivshegos – I did not associate with love, considering all the usual features of the behavior of a teenager. Female site sympaty.net talked about this in an article about the crisis of adolescence.
Why do parents fear teenage love? What are they afraid?
Here are the arguments-the arguments first appear in our head:
- “What love at her age?”
- “He’s not you!” “I know his parents!”, “He’s older than you,” etc.)
- “Now just will not learn”.
- “From first love suffering. Especially if it is unrequited”.
- “What if she gets pregnant?”
Let’s try to dispel all your fears and understand how to respond should the parents of teenage love?
“What love at her age?”
Don’t throw away thoughts about what your child is grown up. Do not attempt to answer the question of why a teenager in love, you better try to remember your first love. Let you the age of your daughters played with dolls, and your child has matured at this age.
Therefore, we advise you to remember your first love, not age, when it happened. After all, most likely, your partner seemed to you then perfect, and love was supposed to be for life. Really?
Why do many of us, hearing that the teenager fell in love with 11, 12, 13 years think of this before? Love it, as a classic said, “will unintentionally appear suddenly”. Therefore, if your child fell in love, accept it as a fact.
No need to prove to him that it is too early or he is still small, it may not be love at this age is the worst thing you can do in this situation.
It so happens that parents, not expecting that at such a young age, the teenager fell in love, push child’s careless phrase: “What is love like in your age?” What to do if it happened?
Try again to talk with a teenager. Sit near to him with the words: “And, you know, I thought about it and remembered that my first teenage love was at your age”. Tell us then, that now wants to hear your daughter. Let this story be fictional, but your task – to win over your lover teenager.
“He’s not you!”
You so well know, who fell in love with your child to drop such phrases? Who knows, maybe the guy with the tunnels in the ears is hiding a humble young man who tries to Express themselves? What attracted your daughter to this man?
No matter how much you tried to protect a lover, a teenager unwanted in your opinion, love object, nothing happens. You of course can tell, what was his family like what his father and what the mother — child that will not hear.
In his head is one answer: “we are all going to be different. He loves me really.” After the first teenage love is always idealized: she is bright, gentle, no drawbacks…
How to behave if the choice your child does not like you?
- To listen, to guide, accept, gently open the eyes.
- Invite your chosen guests. Unobtrusive arrange a viewing. Perhaps the choices your child is not so bad?
It is possible that you are right and the choice of your child is far from ideal, but do not rush to tell your lover teenager. You only alienate the child, and he will start to spend more time with her. During the first love you will not be able to protect your child from bumps on your forehead” in adult life.
The teenager will begin to take on their own life experiences, even if not entirely successful. He’s just growing up.
While he will be honest with you, you will be able to help him, to support.
“Now just will not learn”
Many parents fear that when the teenager fell, he abandoned his studies, begins to skip classes, clubs, extra classes. Yes, this danger is not excluded. After all, when the mind only “He”, it is about what not to think. How to be in this situation?
- First, explain to your child that love is not a reason to abandon his studies. You do not skip work when they’re in love? It and try to bring your child.
- Secondly, don’t exhaust yourselves in vain. As a rule, not so often the kids throw their studies because of love.
Be open, do not threaten to deprive all the money, if things get worse to learn. Better talk to him openly and save him if anything from a rash step.
Remember: it is important to build a relationship of trust, then it will be easier to direct and give advice in the transition to adulthood.
Suffering from unrequited love
“Why not me?” — crying your teenage girl that fell in love.
Unfortunately, a universal recipe for how to protect yourself from unrequited love does not exist. Try to deal with a teenager that could cause such a reaction chosen?
- Perhaps your daughter or son is very Intrusive and imposed on their object of love. Advise to stop paying attention to themselves: not to write, not to call – in a word, not to notice it. His questions to answer briefly. Often this neglect is alarming and the girl begin to pay attention.
- Perhaps your daughter is, conversely, invisible. Advise her first to come and talk with her. There is nothing to worry. Only help to competently build the conversation. Let it attract attention first.
That is the main task of parents is to help the child to find out why, and then continue to help councils.
“What if she gets pregnant?”
Here only one Council – conduct sex education from an early age to teenage son or daughter was properly placed priorities in life. Teach, explain, convey the necessary information.
If your child is aware of where babies come from, what sex and what are the consequences of sexual relations, to warn the teenager from the early sex will be easier.
Do not forget that at this age the authority of friends much above the authority of the parents. Aggressively forcing the teenager their advice, you can push him away. The child closes. So you need to have patience and perseverance. Everything must go on as usual.
And finally, to sum up a little:
- Even if you partner, your child does not like, do not Express directly their opinions. Be discreet.
- Give the teen the opportunity to make their mistakes, purchase the “your bumps”. As the saying goes, his head will not put.
- Do not press down. Build a conversation so that the young person chose to share.
It is very important to allow wisdom to become your child’s confidant. Let your experience of life will become son or daughter not only a mother but also a friend.
The author – Julia Spiridonova, site ToKnow365.top
Teenager in love: how to behave with parents?