The problem is that my wife does not experience orgasm. Believed that the problem is me. But to the question, but did you have the man for you he was taken. Received a negative response. When I try to ask what the most affection for you, says he doesn’t know how and don’t know, touching any body parts to her pleasure. Is it possible in such a situation, the psychologist or sexologist? For 10 years they not only.
Obviously, Your wife doesn’t know and doesn’t want her body, but eager to get an orgasm, and in his absence have done to You.
I have 2 visions of Your problem.
1. The problem is — in the reactions of Your wife
Orgasm is a completely natural reaction.
Before getting an orgasm with a man, a woman must learn to pleasure yourself. Usually it comes “naturally”, but sometimes – and by reading relevant literature, watching videos, talking with friends and so on.
Problems with orgasm and pleasure from sex at all (and it is fun, as I understand it, is also questionable) can occur due to various reasons. Most of these reasons lies deep in my childhood (some mental trauma, traumatic events, frustration) and/or in the wrong attitudes of man, seated so deeply in the subconscious that we are not even aware of. Sometimes improper installation driven by our sexual desire so deep that to get to him only by a qualified specialist.
Please note, if the wife is interested in sex at all:
- — As she looks at the sex scenes in the series
— What actors she likes, what she says about them
— What kind of underwear she is attracted to in the shops
— What books, magazines, sites, reads, and what reads
What does in his spare time
— Is friends with whom, and what binds Your wife and her friends
— If she knew how to give pleasure to You
— How to react to sexually explicit literature, porn.
If interest in sex questionable and even there is a rejection of any sexual manifestations, there is a serious reason to consult a specialist.
Appeal to the expert will not prevent in any case! I think Your wife it will be also interesting.
It is advisable to turn to specialized centers, where there is a psychologist, psychotherapist, and sexologist, and sex therapist, where they carried out individual consultations, family consultations and group trainings.
All this will help Your spouse to understand yourself and your body.
2. The problem in the relationship
It seems to me that the problem is Your wife does not orgasm. Maybe she can get it herself, but otherwise hides it. Why?
My theory is that Your wife that is not happy in your relationship, and she’s trying to tell You in such an intricate way: putting You in reproach a lack of orgasm. The result – neither You nor she get from sex is 100% fun.
Women rarely Express dissatisfaction in the relationship out loud (if only girlfriends), but often respond to relationship problems that way. It spoils a man’s life, but takes not only understanding of the problem and its solution.
What other ways women can show dissatisfaction:
- Refusing sex at all (by the way, was very popular about the Soviet Union)
- Tasteless cooking or watching bad economy
- Constantly peel the man for what little he earns (spends a lot of time with friends, not giving a child time, not helping with the housework)
- …you yourself can give examples ?
To know that this is dissatisfaction and not anything else, one way: to offer a specific solution. The wife leaves the solution in all ways – so the problem is in the relationship. In Your case wife will oppose the visit to the specialist all the forces.
If so, it’s time to change Your relationship.
“But what exactly is she unhappy?” — You will ask.
Most likely, the answer is simple: your wife would like that You give her more time. More “quality time”. This term Gary Chapman, a specialist in the relations of men and women. And here’s a quote from his book “5 love languages”:
“Under “quality time” I mean the time when you give the person your undivided attention. This is not a time when you are sitting together on the sofa and watching TV. When you spend time in this way, your attention is given to ABC, or NBA , but not your spouse. What I mean is to sit on the couch when the TV is turned off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other their undivided attention.
It means to go for a walk, just the two of you, or to go to dinner at a restaurant, look at each other and talk. Have you ever noticed that in the restaurant you can immediately determine where tables are couples or not? Those who came out, look at each other and talking. Couples sit there and look around. You probably think that they came there to eat!
When I sit on the sofa next to his wife and give her twenty minutes of undivided attention, and she does the same for me, we give each other twenty minutes of life. These twenty minutes will never happen again; we give each other all our lives. This is a powerful emotional medium of love.”
From myself I will add that every, absolutely every woman dreams of that “quality time”!
So, the solution to the problems with orgasm in Your wife start with changes in myself.
And here are my tips:
- 1. Give the wife more time. More “quality time”. Be alone with her. Say, look in the eye, be interested in it. Listen to her.
Let your “quality time” will be more interesting. She dreamed about all these years was talking about? Remember and start to realize her dreams. This can be anything from a hike in the woods to play together in tennis, walks in the Park with the whole family to lunch at McDonald’s.
- 2. Give my wife little gifts. It’s so simple and not overwhelm You.
Gifts can be:
— a beautiful little box of sweets (as in advertising)
— a bouquet of flowers (absolutely any, but beautiful!)
— SMS-ka with the compliment (for example: “last night you looked very beautiful”. The main thing — sincerity)
— her favorite food (maybe You can’t stand the canned oysters, but for my wife try)
— invitation to see the movie who might be interested in it
— get creative and think of something else ?
Start small: for example, 1 gift a week.
- 3. Enrich your knowledge about women.
Yes, Yes, it never hurts!
Buy a few good books about relationships and sex (for example, the “5 love languages” Gary Chapman. A good book “is There sex in marriage?” Carol Botwin) and carefully study them. You have plenty of time if You live in a big city and travel on public transport. Buy opaque cover on the book – and no problem can be read even at work!
If I follow your advice, my wife learn to orgasm? – You will ask.
It is not necessary! The important thing is that she will love You more and won’t nag You with his orgasm, the lack of which may not be so worried about her.
The lack of orgasm and relationship issues