Every mother, perhaps, wants to be the best for your child is to give him the maximum possible that he was healthy, happy, successful, fully developed… this article on the website “ToKnow365.top” it’s not about good, and about “ideal” mothers – that’s in quotes.
The “perfect” mother: what are her goals?
In this article we won’t discuss what it needs to make the perfect mother for a child: what, when and how much to feed, what, how and where to train, where to drive, what to wear than what to treat, etc.
Specific issues related to motherhood, on the website sympaty.net a dedicated section, where moms can learn almost everything you need. Perfect mothers are looking for this kind of advice everywhere in the the Internet, in books, from friends, etc., and try to perform them as accurately and in full.
More interesting – what are the reasons for perfectionism? What are the goals of the “ideal mother” voiced?
To obtain the “ideal” adult
The best way to prepare a child for adult life. Give him the best education and lay in it the maximum settings, which it will be guided into adulthood.
That is to say – “fashion” of the child is that the adult who would be perfect in the eyes of the mother behaved the way she thinks is right, I would go for the life path that she is close and clear… Such a selfless mother carrying a child in a hundred circles, hires Tutors, to choose for him the best school and “arrive” in the universities.
On the one hand, it is natural to try to convey to the child your Luggage of life experience.
In ancient times it was adding a “hereditary” transfer of knowledge and skills “to teach everything I know”. In modern conditions it is urgent to give the child the education which the mother seems to be the most useful and relevant.
Also, of course, each child takes from the parents the majority of their attitudes, priorities, etc. – will not be the same mother to teach my son or daughter with what she think is wrong?..
The advantages of this approach:
- Children of such mothers in the end do are often well-educated and well-mannered.
- Among peers, such children may for some time to stand out – better to learn to have more interesting Hobbies, to be more well-read, etc. This happens if, in addition to my mother’s efforts, the child itself is capable and has sufficient vital energy to “pull” the entire school, clubs and other razvivashki.
Cons (which mothers to ensure their child’s future prefer to ignore):
- Childhood is not perceived in terms of “here and now”. For the “ideal” mother, the child, the child is not a part of his life as a preparatory stage, intended to fully prepared to enter adulthood. No matter what the child is tired, trying to get out of school and “useful” circles, we have to get, because it will come in handy in the future! “Where you seated? and well, do something normal, read, repeat, learn!..” Free time of the child = useless doing nothing = wasted time that could be used for development and training. “Perfect child” learns to listen to mom, okay eats and sleeps. One fine morning he wakes up an adult, and that’s when he’s useful, and because of this he will be happier and more successful batsman now thumbs their peers. These mothers, is the author of “gems” type “Here will grow, learn, and then you’ll be on the couch to sit down.”, “That’s going to work, then buy yourself the toys you want!”…
- The mother perceives the child as “stick”, which you need to get stronger to write more correct (from a mother’s point of view) information – attitudes, rules and priorities. To succeed while the child is small and not “picked up” some other ideas out. In the end, all adolescents (and adults, because we never get rid of ingrained in my childhood!) we have to pass very difficult stage of trying to become an independent person. Well, when the mother at this point provides the freedom of life choices. A “perfect” mother sees all that the child received from her in his ideas, “wrong” actions, preferences, etc. — pedagogical personal failure: “it was not like I wanted to!”. And you have a grown man with great difficulty to look for a compromise between what mother said and the way he wants to, as dictated by society… If it fails – before you the classic “Mama’s boy” and it’s often already to gray hair!
- The child grows obedient, well-mannered and educated. But scary non-self – after all, his mom always knows better and more correct, and it takes all the decisions for algorithms inspired by it! Ironically, in the pursuit of preparing for adulthood has no chance to develop important adult as independence of thinking and actions.
To provide the child a perfect childhood
All mothers want for their children a happy childhood. But some, “ideal”, with talks like: “He still has time to grow and suffered a great deal of trouble from the world, so while it’s small in here, with me, I will do everything I can to childhood had been a Paradise, happiness!”.
These moms are buying for their children all the novelties of toy stores, the first child requirement, you receive a phone, laptop, branded sneakers, and much more, on vacation definitely provided a trip somewhere (not camping in the nearby woods), etc… And generally, the baby really grows in the atmosphere of sincere parental love and care.
What he makes from such a childhood? “The whole world is terrible. Nobody loves me (never will love) as the mother. Try to achieve something very useless, because the world is unfair and such a Paradise as a child.”.
These children often avoid contact with peers, it is hard to make friends – because their best friend’s mom! When the boy grows up and marries, his spouse becomes a heavy task to “do like mommy” (best mom? are you kidding, no one better than mom!!!).
And when the girl grows up – she sees men or “toys” to satisfy her whims, or “wealthy man” who will provide her dolcevita (wealthy man these girls are willing to marry). Themselves responsible for someone’s happiness, someone to care, someone to love children the “perfect” mom and do not want…
That the mother receives from its “ideality”?
The feeling is not in vain lived life. The realization that there was a large, important, very encouraged by the society a case in which she surpassed all and became the best – motherhood.
While the child is small and lies with her, demanding of her worries – the perfect mother happy. To the public she’s not averse to making a tortured face and say that she is “all day like a squirrel in a wheel, but for my son!”. However, her whole “overwork” is completely voluntary and pays a sense of satisfaction and righteousness all committed “maternal feat”.
The problems begin when the child grows up.
First, removed the task take care of it, nurture and care – and the woman suddenly feels the emptiness, the aimlessness and almost futility of life. In other guises it generally does not consider, and even if trying to consider, it quickly realizes that there her to the heights of the ideal far – it is such a ordinary employee ordinary fat boring wife, etc.
Besides, very rarely a “perfect” mother be satisfied with what has become their adult child, how he lives, what his worldview etc.
If it was not the way it “did” mother – she’s starting to be terrified that all her incredible pedagogical work has gone down the drain. It is a failure. No matter what the son or daughter can be quite happy and represent normal successful adults – “I’ve always dreamed of!”.
If the child was left “in the mother’s system of values”, but he is unsuccessful in life, is experiencing some difficulty, problem – mother’s grief that the world does not appreciate her best boy, the world is harsh and unfair to her child! She looks for dirty tricks, but not error in its education…
How to be a mother without the quotes?
It needs to be… ordinary mother. The child needs to see mom in person (though close, loved and loving). He needs to understand that:
- Mom – not true in last instance. She is sometimes wrong. It is necessary to listen, but it gives you the freedom to listen to other people, and to require proof of some assertions and draw their own conclusions from the parent…
- Mom is upset, annoyed, tired. Sometimes she needs a break from the mother role. For dad she is the wife, boss – employee, for aunt Masha – the girlfriend… She can’t give all the time and energy to the child. The mother should afford to relax with a book, wander around the shops (with aunt Mary, but no daughters), lock yourself in the bedroom with dad… ?
- Mom can’t fulfill all wishes. She’s not a witch (though she loves her child, and she likes his good).
- Mom can prepare your child for successful adulthood, but his future cannot depend on it 100%! For a good account of it all of it does not…
- There are moments of life where the mother can advise, but to decide for the child, definitely not!
Well, the perfect (without the quotes) the mother not expecting perfection from your child!
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
The perfect mother: do I need to be and why