While sociologists and demographers complain that more and more women are raising children alone, it is becoming increasingly evident that it is not always “abandoned” victim! Many women consciously resolved to have a baby for myself, not planning for any relationships and especially families with his father. What problems might face birth “for themselves” mother and whether it is reflected once on the child – to understand on the website sympaty.net.
To bear a child for himself — a normal trend of the present?
On the one hand you can be happy in a society where a woman can independently raise a child, not being forced to grow older the kid to be in a unpleasant relationship with his biological father. On the other – parent family positive never considered.
More recently, some 100-50 years ago (and in many countries today!) single mothers have faced a number of problemsthat deliberately resign ourselves to them did not think of that one!
- First, the shame in the eyes of society and relatives (“in the lap brought” or “kept man”).
- Secondly, huge financial difficulty (to put it bluntly, a woman with child to find work or any means of livelihood was very problematic, except that to return the contents to their parents or are hereditary capital who he was).
And yet – indelible stigma on the child (“bastard”, “illegitimate”), in many cases, a significant restriction of his rights and life opportunities (for example, he could not claim the inheritance grandparents, sometimes even the mother not to mention dad!). Moreover, the chances of the mother to marry again (especially the first time, if the child was illegitimate) was practically equal to zero – it was very difficult even in “developed” countries!
Now all these problems have been largely solved.
Quite feasible task for women is the financial viability and financial security of the child, many women successfully cope with it and not even consider the financial aspect the main problem of “fatherlessness”. No one will blame the woman in the misconduct, if she’s raising the child alone (unless somewhere in a remote village or in a Muslim country), and certainly nobody will come to consider child inferior member of society because of the lack of father in the family!
Yes, and men ceased to shy away from women with kids like the plague: such marriages are increasingly common, and many of them are obviously successful!
That is, if you look at the problem from the point of view of its for the solvability, it is no problem as such – a complete family ceased to be the only possible condition for the appearance of the child, the woman is able to give birth to itself, and to provide him with a perfectly normal childhood!
In fact, women began to share these two desires: “I want to marry” and “I want a baby”. Before, it was one “want a family“: no husband, no kids, but married to do without the birth of a child was unrealistic.
So now the problem is not how to reduce the number of such “crazy” people who plan to give birth for themselves, and in how to support these women in their decision!
To “give birth” and “grow for yourself” — what’s the difference?
The website “ToKnow365.top” already wrote about why we need children. In principle, the motives pushing women planning to have a baby in my life, not especially different depending on marital status and relationship with the baby’s father.
The only real meaning is to want a baby very simple: the world has a new person mother will be glad to give my love and care!
But sometimes women with no partner, there is a motive to give birth to himself to compensate for his own loneliness. That is, it seems that a child will fill that niche, which should, in theory, to fill in man: namely, to love her and give her your attention, in that volume in what it wants. The child purposefully Ralitsa as “emotional donor” in any sense!
And that’s really detrimental to him and his future, because he will somehow inspires not quite true, but very influencing the formation of relations with the mother postulates:
- “My mom has sacrificed a personal life and personal happiness for me – I have to return the favor!“. These children grow up and… do not have families of their own, not having willpower “budding” from the mother. They are guided by a false sense of guilt – all other attachments, including love, are regarded as a “betrayal of mother”. Accordingly, the mother and maintain that guilt with stories of how she would be lonely in an empty apartment, and as she does the proverbial glass of water not served, “forgetting” about how she best years my child spent, etc. that all this sacrifice was not compulsory and was a voluntary life choice, just silent…
- “Mom loves me more than anything, is the only person I truly need.” Of course, a mother’s love is very sincere, but after all, it is one man to be content in life cannot and should not…
That is, the problem in such cases is not that the mother gave birth to a child for themselves without a father, and that she for himself to grow…And it happens and in the presence of her husband, by the way…
But the thing that really should be considered a huge step towards the development of human culture and morality: to bear a child for myself right now – an opportunity that is every woman! The right to become a mother is not acquired subject to the testing of a particular life scenario (marriage in particular) – it is natural and can be implemented and when the woman herself wants it!
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
To have a baby for yourself: so, is this justified?