Sooner or later, this happens in most families – parents begin to hint at adult children that really want to babysit grandchildren!
Well, if this desire coincides with desire of the younger generation to have children. But what if you are childfree or want to postpone the appearance of the heirs for some time? How to explain this to mom and dad (or father and mother), who want grandchildren?
The website sympaty.net advise, how without scandals and misunderstandings to explain to the parents your decision about childbearing.
Why parents want grandchildren?
Because it’s nature – to want to keep the generations going and their own genes were passed on to generations of descendants.
In addition, there are social reasons: to become grandma and grandpa at all times was considered very honorable (even more honorable than mother and father). The presence of grandchildren from constructing the older person in a new status – not just a parent, and head of the genus.
Equally important is the aspect of property – many people want their property after their death it was passed directly to grandchildren (or to children who, in turn, will not remain childless and will give the family capital to their children).
All this is quite clear. But why are some people wisely give their adult children the opportunity to decide the question of the appearance of the offspring, while others require grandchildren literally in the form of an order, causing children to be nervous and make excuses? Possible reasons why parents can torture a young couple, demanding “I want grandchildren to give birth soon!”:
- Parents – people of a different generation and possibly a different culture. Probably in their minds to stay at a certain age without grandchildren – so look in the eyes of society and themselves losers, whose race did not continue In those countries and regions where social values are still guided by a long tradition (e.g. in the Caucasus, in Asia, etc.), an old man with no grandkids certainly would feel unhappy…
- There are situations when older parents think that childless people (i.e. their own daughter or son) miserable, “defective”, deprived of the joys of motherhood (no matter if he wants an adult child to experience the joy), so you need to persuade him/her quickly to give birth. Like, it’s a parental concern, but from the daughter’s or son’s requirement to have their own child sounds like a real selfish!
- Sometimes, what mom wants grandchildren, because caring about them will fill her life and give her a new important meaning. This is very typical in cases where the woman does not feel said to be realized in life, it seems that nobody needs it (in particular, an adult daughter that it hurts and hurts), and besides, she simply bored. The kid in this case would be the solution to all problems – the daughter turned to her mother for help in caring for the child, there would be plenty of things to do for small and new important status of the grandmother would raise the self-esteem!
Parents want grandchildren, and I no how to explain it to them?
First of all, don’t freeze and don’t otshuchivayas from parents, and decide at last on the conversation. While you get along with jokes and excuses, the question about grandchildren will arise again and again, you will be annoyed at the older generation, the elderly will be offended by you…
If mom or dad wants grandchildren, right and explain objectively why you don’t want children, and if you want, but can’t afford to give birth – tell us what obstacles to this exist. Say that you want to do in life before you have children, what level of income to leave a man to meet, etc.
But if it is not in circumstances, but simply the lack of desire to become a mother, too, tell about it as it is: for example, the kids do not cause you any sympathy, you do not agree to change their way of life, etc.
If parents are having conversations about the grandchildren too often, just ask them not to raise this issue, especially in front of strangers – tell me that you will notify them, if you decide to become parents themselves, and that all entreaties and hints will be for you unpleasant.
The mother or father (in-law or father-in-law) want grandchildren: what to do and what not to do?
In a difficult situation, annoying when you are pushing the idea of parenthood and request not to raise this subject have no effect, it is necessary to take some action. Of course, not the fact that the older generation will cease to dream about the grandchildren, but a few to distract the old man from that dream you can try!
- Get parents pet (cat or dog companion). Part of the “grandma instinct” will be spent on four-legged pet!
- Promise me you will certainly give birth after reaching a certain goal in life (to buy an apartment, to get a higher education, etc.). But! Promise only if really planned, otherwise, when the promised milestone is passed, you do not let pass “I really want grandchildren!
- Take care of the elderly, do not let them feel forgotten. Sometimes ask for help – for parents it is a great joy to be useful grown-up children.
- If you see that the elderly are bored, you think of them busy and help to find a feasible job (caretaker, Concierge, etc.), pulling some Hobbies, etc. Teach them to use the computer and sit in social networks, in the end! ?
But if you see that the “ancestors” want grandchildren is so important that cats and knitting courses they do not distract, and they did not reckon with your own wishes about procreation, considering that you can make the decision for you…
In this case, the advice from the “Beautiful and Successful” — you have the right just not to see their parents and do not communicate without great need. Sometimes the solution is simply a move from the parental home, and visit once a month so you can somehow survive!
And a few tips on what exactly to do if mom or dad wants grandchildren
- To take from parents any financial assistance and gifts that they give in advance for the grandchildren – apartments, money for business development, etc is great, but when you take advantage of this assistance, you will be ten times harder to explain to parents why I’m not going to give birth.
- Joke with parents about their negative attitudes towards children. So we should not joke about the desire of the elderly to have grandchildren – what do you think harmless humor, a sore subject for them…
Best of all – do not raise your talk about procreation in any context, but if the subject of grandchildren will raise mum or dad, you immediately remind them: “Mom, we agreed that you will not ask me about my grandchildren!”.
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
What if parents want grandchildren, and I’m not ready to give birth