What is gaslighting and how to fight it?

Psychological violence is a very serious problem. One of the varieties of domestic psychological violence – gasleitung (gazlayt). What is it? So-called attempts to “psychological aggressor” to devalue the opinion of “victim” to convince the “victim” of inadequacy and inability to have own ideas.



How the aggressor attains this, and how to resist if you were in the role of victim – tell female site sympaty.net.

What is gaslighting?

The term “gaslighting” originated from the name of the 1944 movie “Gaslight” (Gaslight).

Most often, gaslighting is found among people who spend a lot next time and have a close relationship – in the family, among colleagues, the “best” friends.

A typical pair of “gaslighter – victim” can be parent and child, husband and wife, superior and subordinate… Gazlayt – not a one-time precedent, and long-term strategy.

  • First, the aggressor will not achieve anything – it is impossible to make a man “weak-willed rag” in his own eyes.
  • Second, gaslighter is a kind of “emotional vampire” — he gets a kind of pleasure, regularly watching the humiliation of the victim.
  • Gaslighting not always used consciously, more often, the aggressor doesn’t even know this word, and has no idea what a complicated “game brain” picks.

    When to suspect that you are faced with gazlayt?

    • Your opinion is generally not considered. Whatever you said, the answer you get is not logical counter-arguments, and the assertion that your opinion is not worth consideration. For example: “I’m not going to listen to your nonsense!”, “Don’t start this bullshit!”.
    • Talking about the issue that is important to you, constantly can not take place – the interviewer walks away from the discussion by any means. In the end you are afraid to raise this issue at all, and other pressing issues too.
    • The aggressor claims that you in principle can’t be right, and not at all worthy to engage in deliberation and discussion of the question that you are concerned about. Usually the reason stated is something you can’t change: you are supposedly “wrong” gender, age, family situation or in the career hierarchy, etc. “You’re too young to think about it!”, “You’re a woman, you can not do this thing, you figure it out you can’t!”, “You’re here for the head to pop up with their opinions!”.
    • You are told that you cannot have thoughts of their own creation. “Once you have read a lot of nonsense!”, “This is my father’s saying, Yes?..”, “Sitting all day on the Internet, and then talking such nonsense!”.
    • You are convinced that your emotion, concern some question and wish to discuss it explains your inadequate. You can even offer help, but not objectively necessary, and “distracted”, “treated”, to “calm down”, etc. for Example: “What you say now, that you have again depressed, need to drink your medicine…”, “you must Have schizophrenia begins as our great-grandmother… that and imagining you all… let you go to the doctor?..”.
    • A suggestion to you that you always correctly remember the facts, replica of the conversations, etc. “nonsense, I never said that! Do you really think I would say?.. You have a memory okay?..”. If such episodes recur repeatedly, the person may start to think that he is really not able to remember events and place them correctly in memory. Instead, he begins to “remember” what inspires the aggressor: “I said here’s something – I remember now???”.
    • The depreciation of your achievements and exaggeration of the errors. “And you’re proud of entering this unimportant institutesm? Still then only at McDonald’s can work! In normal high school, you would never!”, “Now, they’re fined. And I’ve always said – you have a terrible driving, and before you miracle saved! Someday you will get into an accident, and this penalty is the “first swallow”!”.

    There are different “levels” of gazlayt. Lightweight option – the victim just feels subordinate to the aggressor, feels inevitable need to execute his commands and adopt his opinion on all issues.

    In the most severe cases, the victim first begins to consider himself crazy, really, and there may be changes in the psyche. Lost or significantly reduced self-esteem, lose the desire to think independently and to make independent decisions, have problems with memory.

    Serious problems can begin in the emotional sphere: the victim may deny yourself to experience the “wrong” emotions and become emotionless person, or on the contrary – the victim can happen tantrums, frequent emotional breakdowns.

    Several strategies of getliteral

    How gislature act? The website “ToKnow365.top” cites several strategies of psychological aggression:

    • Neglect strategy. It is especially effective in the family, when the aggressor – native and beloved man. The victim seeks understanding and dialogue, but gets a couple of snide remarks and deliberate silence.
    • The strategy of “loving care.” Encouraging the aggressor to the victim that without him she was helpless and unable to decide anything, but so be it, by and large the “love” he agrees to give her all the solutions and answers to help “calm down”, etc. On this strategy, the aggressor can convince the victim of hypochondria (imaginary illness, including mental illness), to impose unusual emotional state (for example, constantly claim that “you’re depressed” people really get depressed).
    • The strategy of denial of the emotions of the victim, attributing to her non-existent emotions and motives. The victim is led to believe that what she feels is false. “How can you say that you love me, is that the way normal kids like your mother?..”, “I’m sad, you really are glad as punch that you didn’t get the job and you can continue to sit on my neck!” “You need me specifically kidding and have fun, I see! You like to torture me with your whims!”.
    • The strategy of destroying the self-esteem of the victim. Man impose the idea that he may not be a good and meaningful to society, not dependent on his reasons. There is often injected into the game discriminatory social stereotypes: “Junior can’t challenge the views of elders,” “the wife is not the head of the family, she should listen to her husband”, etc.

    What to do to not be a victim?

    The sooner you recognize used against you gaslighting, the easier it will be to deal with it.

    The most important is not to restore good relations with the aggressor, not to “re-educate” or “teach” him. Really important to keep your own ability to common thinking and making independent judgments, not to reduce your self-esteem.What to do?

  • The maximum limit contact with the aggressor or tear it at all. If this is problematic (for example, if he is a member of your family), then minimize with it any interaction. Don’t start conversations yourself, do not keep up the conversation, if he speaks to you, and certainly don’t try to be Frank. Live your life, try to ignore the dangerous person.
  • Enlist the support of the outsider, the other. It is important that this third person, “vest”, was a stranger to the aggressor and didn’t inadvertently tell him your complaints. This person can ask about what inspires you are the aggressor – whether or not you are behaving inappropriately, are if depressed, etc.
  • Calmly and confidently explain to the aggressor that you are absolutely sure of its relevance, all are well aware and capable of logical reasoning. Stop this conversation if the aggressor begins to reduce to the standard pseudo-arguments like “you don’t understand”, “don’t be silly”, etc.
  • If you really become difficult to remember some facts, then do something that will help you later to recall a particular episode. Make a recording turn on the machine, ask someone to be present during the conversation with the aggressor, etc.
  • Believe me, you do have the right to your opinion. Your emotions are always real. And no one has the right to humiliate you, even if that man is justified by kinship or friendship.


    Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top

    What is gaslighting and how to fight it?





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