In the traditional sense, shyness is not a male quality. The idealized “real man” can be restrained, maloemotsionalny, harsh – but not shy! In fact, every common man has experienced occasional shyness, timidity or embarrassment – it’s a natural emotion for people of both sexes.
But if a man hesitates too often – what could be the reason for shyness, and can I help him overcome this complex? Female site sympaty.net decided to understand the problem.
Why a man is ashamed of: looking for the root of the problem!
Shyness and timidity can be a natural feature of human nature. But a lot depends on childhood: relationship with parents, teachers, peers… Bad script childhood can exacerbate innate introversion to serious complex, up to of social phobia. Conversely, in a friendly atmosphere, the child can overcome his childhood shyness and grow quite socially adapted person.
What problems from childhood lead to the fact that the man is shy as an adult?
Scenario 1. Authoritarian mother, “helpless” son
Hyper – in any case, the harm to the child. But when talking about maternal authoritarian hyperopic over the male child, it is doubly dangerous – because the mother of the boy sees the prototype of the future of women, and generalized image of all women in General! Even worse, if the boy’s upbringing in an authoritarian manner are also grandmothers, aunts, my mother’s friend, “ospitali” in kindergarten and “teacher” at school…
Next man makes from childhood (at least on a subconscious level) is extremely destructive installation:
- Women are stronger and more aggressive, you need to be silent and listen, otherwise it will be worse.
- Women do know better what’s best for me – with its own initiatives, it is better not to speak, still my desires are bad, but ideas are wrong.
- The woman herself will make all the first steps and decide everything for himself and for me – there is no need to motivate, especially there is no need to take the first step yourself.
In General, such a genotypic male behavior (to lead in a relationship with a woman) is in conflict with education and experience with “first woman” — mom. Instinct – partner to be! And the complexes inhibit – yep, that will lead, she will lead anyone, and riding a galloping horse through a burning house! In the end, a man is ashamed of the woman don’t know how to approach her, how to engage, how to lead…
Scenario 2. “Son you need to grow man!”
But it could be exactly the opposite situation – the boy from childhood to raise “a real man”. Most often, this education insists father. From childhood the boy is taught that to show emotions – shame, not a man!
You can’t cry, to be frightened, not Lisp… Shy man, too, is impossible, by the way. But… in the end, the child withdraws into himself and solves the problem of “forbidden” emotions in such a way that stops them to show.
Of course, at heart he is frightened, and sad, and in need of affection…
The adult age of such a child may grow up introverted 80th level because he shames and scolds at those moments when he experiences some kind of “not male” feelings. Including love, tenderness… If you find that someone “peeked” over his emotions, he can feel as helpless as he was caught for something inappropriate…
Of course, such a man is ashamed of sex (if we are talking about is really an emotional act of love, not a rough technical action), shy women, shy love…
Scenario 3. Bad environment of peers
But even if the family was all right, strong psychological trauma of a child may be communicating with other children, schoolmates, odnoletniki from the yard, etc. it so Happens that the children’s group selected a awkwardness: for example, intelligent “home” boy forced to grow up with future pals. In this environment the child can strongly tease and hurt, he has no chance to become a leader (and every boy is important!), he feels that his peers accept it as is, and valuable in their eyes quite other qualities that he does not possess – for example, physical strength, arrogance…
In the end, the man who “neophobia” in childhood, in adulthood, constantly afraid that it will hurt, cheated, deceived… He may think that you really can’t like girls – so the man hesitate to meet and show feelings. After the experience of his childhood and adolescence suggests that any genuine manifestation of good feelings is the “Achilles heel”, which makes it vulnerable to different kinds of insults and ridicule…
How to help a man to overcome shyness?
If a man says that is ashamed, or is silent about it, but all you see is timidity itself, you can try to help him overcome his complexes. How? The website “ToKnow365.top” can make such recommendations:
- Often praise a man to approve of his actions, etc.
- To be honest with him – tell him about your experiences, ask for advice or emotional support… Let the man see that you don’t go to a “body armor” in front of him — and nothing terrible happens! Perhaps it motivates him to mutual openness.
- Not to sneer at the man in those moments when he overcomes the awkwardness and makes what previously was embarrassed.
But, of course, the man is not a doll and not a child – it is impossible to educate and re-educate, and most of the work on overcoming his shyness has to do it himself!
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
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