Why do we need children? The question, I think, for anybody not controversial for the world to see some new people. Parents and children need in order for them to love and feel love in return! However, the reality often is this: a child is born, grows up, and… parents forget about these truths! Instead, mom and dad begin to solve due to the child’s own psychological issues and to give vent to his complexes. How it happens and how to withdraw a child from this “game in one gate” — will tell the website sympaty.net.
Complex “nobody loves me”
Especially clearly this is manifested in a complex of single motherswho deliberately decided to have a baby without being married and not trying to create a full family, or women who went through a divorce when the child was still very young. The woman thinks that her no one else loves and doesn’t appreciatethat waiting for true love from men – a thankless…
And the answer to the question “why children?” stands for a mother clearly in order that the child loved me!
He’s mine, I raise and educate only for themselves, and, of course, for this he will be the only man in the world who will love me all life! (By the way, what if goes all wrong and that mommy will be in the situation “my child loves me not”?)
In General, the pedagogical strategy such a mother – raising a “Mama’s boy”.
The child literally from infancy are taught that mommy’s gonna suffer in bitter loneliness, if he will “please”, trying to become an independent person. When direct instructions “don’t go”, “do”, “sit here” cease fire (and this happens in adolescence), mother complex “nobody loves me” resorting to psychological blackmail, “I’m you 15 years of life spent, you’re my only family, and you, ungrateful, knocking around somewhere with some buddies! Yes, these friends had done for you a hundredth of what I did – so why do you stay with them and not me?!”.
And what drama sometimes unfolds when the son or daughter having a romantic relationship…
When psychologists advise these mothers not to make baby the only meaning of life, not to burden him with such a daunting responsibility (because the child this responsibility perfectly feels!) the response is often anger and confusion. As it is – because he is really the meaning of my life?!
Tips to rebuild your personal life to have a child had a father (albeit non-native), also met with hostility – I have my son, I don’t need no men!
But all of this ultimately affect the child positively – it is difficult to be happy when “chronically unhappy” mom!
Perfectionism and child
Parent perfectionism is another problem for the harmonious development of the child. Why the need for children parents perfectionists? So they were the best! But if mom and dad are always strive for the highest possible achievements, then Woe to the child who cannot or simply do not want to get what you want from his parents!
As a variant, it happens that a mother sees her own motherhood as the only area of activity where you can achieve success, become “the best mother” in the eyes of society and of itself. Went wrong career or a failed personal life, but I am the perfect mom! That’s children!
Huge buzz for moms, perfectionist – careless seen in the company of other mothers: “Hmm, mine’s been gone for three years, started to read, we studied the Montessori method…”. Triple fun – the most to realize that their child is better than others, to boast of in society, and most look like the perfect mother (if it was not I, it is unlikely that such progress would have been possible…).
These three motives lead parents perfectionists. What is the result?
This files most often – demanding Hyper (about this species maternal hyperopic website sympaty.net already wrote). If the child fails to fulfill all the wishes of the parent, it is bombarded with all sorts of accusations: “Lazy, not finish your homework. But we with the father day and night work hard all for you!”, “The irresponsible, the problem can not solve! But Andrew, the son of aunt Masha, the Olympics won!”.
The result – an inferiority complex, a sense of parental dislike…
And when he grows up, and think about why he, a child need their parents, will make the right conclusion to meet the personal ambitions!
The complex of missed opportunities
Tell about one case. 12 years ago I met a teacher of drawing and painting, who had two sons.
Both he trained to his skill by investing their heart and soul and joyfully telling everyone around about the slightest achievements of the boys. I must say, both are well painted, and often took prizes at competitions of children’s drawings. When 12 years later I happened to meet this man, of course, asked him about the sons. He began to tell me about the older who graduated from the art Institute, is professionally engaged in painting and has his own Studio where he teaches students drawing, as well as the father.
About Junior he said nothing, but I still asked. Dad frowned and said that the younger son spends his life in vain, doing nothing. After questioning, it was found that under “zryashnoe a waste of life” and “nonsense” means the completion with honors of the faculty of economic and managerial position in a prestigious firm!
What do you think, what children of this father? But the example is not unique.
Many parents sincerely believe that the children need to:
- To continue the path of parents
- To achieve what the parents failed and are unlikely to succeed.
I think not worth the extra time to explain what’s wrong for a child to forcible encourage people to engage in that don’t like him!
Of course, arguments on the topic, “what children?” can be a solid demagoguery – the answer is simple!
However, it would be very desirable to those who have a child, often thought about it – and not only in front of a monitor reading this article, and in everyday life.
Maybe did not want to scold and rebuke the child, to show him excessive or unnecessary requirements, but will have one more reason to just say , “Son, I love you!”.
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
Why do we need children? Make no mistake, in answering this question!