“He called up after 5 years. We met. He went to another city, got married, had children. And I was crawling on the walls, crying, I started to have health problems from stress, somehow calmed down. I tried to forget I had other men with one, I lived for a year.
I found a sea Hobbies — beading, painting paintings in the rooms, a gym — just head to occupy, life has become totally different. And then on to you. As he said, “I come about 2 times a year, always remember you, but call now only dared.” Left your e-mail address, but I won’t so as not to tear his soul. He was gone and I was again in tears. Tell me, WHY did he do it? To answer this question himself, he could not.” Anna.
Dear Anna! The website “ToKnow365.top” I’ll try to help You and many other women who had been in the same situation: suddenly appeared a man with whom you have long since parted.
“Why did he do it?”
As you can tell from Your letter that 5 years ago You went through a painful breakup with this man, which occurred, presumably, is not on Your initiative. Five years is a really long time, life has changed radically – and you, and him.
Your ex didn’t waste any time – he had met another woman and started a family. What are his motives again to remind myself?
From the subtext of Your letter clearly reveals the version that You deep down are very flattering. Perhaps during your brief meeting, the man did everything to insinuate it to such an option. This version is in the phrase: “remember you.”
Worldly You can understand that a woman once threw a loved one, because of what she suffered for a long time, probably maliciously-it’s nice to know that he, it turns out, all these years, too, suffered and grieved and lived happily ever after with his new wife!
The second important meaning, which You surely put in this phrase (“remember you”) is what You was and remained for him the only really favorite, the best, the main “harem” of all those women who he was, is and will be. Very nice to feel like the most important and the best, isn’t it?
Looks like the version to which brings the phrase about memories? The man left You, but then I started to repent.
He has not found anyone in my life better, and married, probably just to whom has got – not to be all alone, pregnant, or in some other circumstances – but not exactly the same big and pure love he had with You, and which he all the time says. However, he very shy so shy that for five long years, during which he was tormented by memories, he never dared to write or call!
But in less than half a century, he has collected in a fist all his resolve and finally showed up. Probably, his bright dream now – to get away from the wife and kids to the one who remembered secret all these years!
Version is beautiful and romantic. But a careful observer will not miss a number of things that characterize our Hidalgo is very ambiguous! In particular:
- Five years to remember, to think, to dream and not dare to say anything??? Moreover, not abstract and alien to the Beautiful Lady and the woman already tied a close relationship – that is, he probably knows You well and could find the right words, tactful approach , etc. do not believe the Lord. Do not believe!!! Well, except that we are dealing with an absolute “pushover”, which even lie in the direction of dreams” is not solved — not to take any action.
- During these five years this Knight of the Sorrowful countenance did not go lone sufferer. He found a new lady love, got married and got with her kids. You may think that some cunning bitch screwed and is screwing your naive sweetheart that this marriage was unlucky, insincere and unnecessary, but… let’s face it. Or this macho and true “rag”, which is implicitly agreed to marry unloved, or not so bad – Your ex has created a happy family for those years that You suffered! There is a third version – is it really all this time spared the old broken relationship, not experienced and is not experiencing big feelings to his wife and family created for any selfish, greedy reasons. That is actually – he is a deceiver in relation to the woman which is called marriage, who bore him children! In any case – to the Registrar, he was not blindfolded. If he really hoped and aspired to revive the old relationship – it hardly would have made such a serious step to the side as marriage to another.
- During Your meeting, he made no specific proposals. Type “I’ll divorce my wife and start all over again.” Or “let’s hang out as friends (maybe even make friends with their new families)”. Not very surprising it would even offer to become his mistress – but this has not sounded. He didn’t even answer the direct question — why showed up years later? And than the meeting ended – he left his email address. In fact, that he handed the initiative in Your hands: say, if you miss she will come running like a Champ! If You decide to write it – it would mean that the situation has turned 180 degrees: he wants to get back to You because suffering is recalled, and You humbly run to a married man, five years later, the first of his hint. Like this situation?..
As you can see, romantic version of his “constant recollection” bursting at the seams. What could happen in reality?
What to do now?
In General, You acted absolutely correctly – decided not to write and not to call, not to start any re-relations.
But some disturbing conclusions can be drawn on circumstantial details of the letter.
First, You write that “he was gone and I was back in tears.” Emotionally You this meeting is very excited, and You probably deep down, began to regret a long time ago the breakup occurred, that this wonderful man didn’t marry You, etc, mind You we could all truly realize, but… some light to it You has not yet faded, isn’t it?..
This is also indirect evidence of the story of what happened in Your life after a breakup: “I tried to forget I had other men, one I lived with for a year.” Not “I love another”! As you would acknowledge, all of the following men was the only way to “hammer head” — on a par with the beading, painting, etc.
Apparently, even parting with other guys did not cause much soul-searching – because Your life has already been one Tragedy (Yes, that’s right, with a capital “T”) – separation from Him, the Only and The best!
That is, we can conclude that Your true question is not “what to do next,” after this meeting (because You yourself, without the Council’s website sympaty.net that made the right a willful decision not to write and not to call). And not even “what is it?” because if this man really didn’t bother You, then You would simply indifferent to its motives, and You would not have to write this emotional letter.
In fact, Your problem – as it is to forget, forgive and let go and fully turn the page of life. You learned to “hammer head” is good, but now You are faced with a new challenge – to find a place in your heart for a new love!
When that happens, believe me, You do not bring to tears, none of the former cavalier!
Author – Dasha Blinova, site ToKnow365.top
Why the former man again reminded about yourself?